When it’s time to say goodbye…

Since the day we brought home that furry kid, we all know that at one point, there will be “the” day, that we all dread, but we all know it will come…. one day.

Each time I go to my vet or an emergency clinic and see people leaving the place crying and empty-handed, I feel for them because I know that one day I will be right there, but since I am only human, yes, I assure you, I am also relieved because today is not the day for us.

We all hope that they will die at home, peacefully in their sleep, but honestly how many times does it happen? Is it the price to pay for so much happiness?

There are two questions that we all must answer: when and how.

WHEN?

There is no easy answer. Every pet situation is different. It’s always helpful to have an “independent” party like your veterinarian or a close friend giving you their opinion can be valuable. But at the end of the day, it’s between you and your furry kid.

ACKNOWLEDGING

Acknowledging what we are about to lose is the first step into making that decision. They give us everything that we are craving for: unconditional love, support, acceptance, and unfortunately no human connection can reach that far. Celebrating the connection, you have with your pet will also help making the decision. At that point, the focus is not about us but about them. We have to remember that our dog or our cat lives in the present moment. They don’t come with the baggage of memories or future dreams. They live for the “now”, and if they are in pain, that will be their only focus, nothing will relieve them from the pain, no memories, nothing.

ASKING

You might not see the obvious anymore. When the changes are subtle while living with your dog, you might not see them and asking a close friend as well as your veterinarian or an animal communicator to give you their opinion might also help.

If it’s the first time you are going to lose a pet, write down the questions you want to ask your vet and make an appointment to see him without your furry kid. I might be less emotional, and you might be more able to hear his answers better. Ask a close friend to come with you as a memory of what is going to be said.

HAVING A DIARY

I did it once for our Golden retriever, Pouch, when he was diagnosed with Lymphocytic Leukemia. It really helped me seeing how he was slowly changing: from the distance we walked, to the amount of food, water that he was taking. They are good days, and bad days. When the bad ones outnumbered the good ones, it’s time to think about “it”. I had his diary for the last year of his life. Did it help me making the decision? No, Pouch made it for us. Leukemia was not what killed him. At the end, he was in a cancer factory: mast cell tumors, sarcomas. He suddenly became unable to use his legs. I guess a tumor was pushing part of his brain. He was so lost, looking at me like the “fixer” I have been in his life. He was in good spirits when he crossed the rainbow bridge, eating his favorite treats until the last minute.

I was happy to have that diary. It seemed like part of him was still with us. Those written words became memories that I might not have remembered otherwise.

THEIR QUALITY OF LIFE

Yes, you can have all the medical answers in the world, but those, in my opinion, are not the important ones. The one which really matters is how he or she is feeling. Make a list of the 4 or 5 things your pet loves to do. For instance, for Zeus and me, it was food, following me around the house, short walks, and rolling on his back to get tummy rubs. When those activities disappear one after the other, and is maybe one left, you know it’s time.

Tail wagging – at least for labs – is not a sign of anything! I remember George when we decided to put him to sleep while he was already hospitalized; he came to us with his catheter, his IVs as well as the darn tail still wagging.

WHERE

You have to have a plan A and plan B. For instance, for Pouch, our vet had told us that he would come to our house to put him to sleep. Bad news, he was away for the weekend when Pouch collapsed. Therefore, we went to his office. The vet tech who assisted the vet for the euthanasia was obnoxious, judgmental and starting to tell us how her own dogs died – like if we gave a rat about it, when your own dog is there, waiting for the final shot -. She stole his final moments from us, and I never went back to that place after.

You cannot always plan this. If your pet suddenly gets sick, you most likely won’t have the choice, but if you do, think about it and prepare for it.

. Home

I know that I will always choose that option if I can. Not for me but for them. Leaving peacefully on a favorite bed in their own home is probably the best option for them. Now, what about the vet? Your vet might not be available to come when you will need him or her.

There are now other options, at least in the DC Metro area. A growing number of vets are building their practice on house calls euthanasia. Check it in advance. Call them and let them explain to them how it works. It’s what they do, and they will guide you through the whole process.

. Veterinarian office

Like the “home” option, you might not control the timing. If it happens on weekends or at night, you might have to go to an emergency place. Check them out, see which one would be the closest one to you.

. Special place

While I was the owner of K9 Aquatic Center, five of our regular swimmers crossed over the Rainbow Bridge there. It was their happy place. One last swim, one last memory and they left in a meaningful place.

THE TEARS

I know it’s hard not to cry but the thing is dogs worry about us. I remember years ago when an animal communicator came to my house because I was worried about Maia who did not want to drink from the dog’s bowl. I still have the recorded session. One of the first thing she said after meeting Maia was: “You called me because you were worried about Maia but Maia is worried about you as well.”

So…. I don’t cry. I never cry until they are gone. I do not want their last thought to be worrying about me. There is an exception though: when Max was put to sleep at home, he had a brain tumor and was not Max anymore. He did not even recognize his name. Yes, for him I waited too long. And I cried. I could not stop crying for hours. I cried for all of them.

THE REMAINS

I have the ashes of every one of my furry kids. But there are other options. It is whatever you would be comfortable with. The options are there: your yard, pet cemetery, ashes….

If you plan to euthanize your pet at home, the veterinarian will always give you the option of taking his body with him and having the ashes back a week later or so. Here too, it’s what you feel comfortable with.

By planning in advance, you can make sure that the right decisions will be taken. I remember when Zeus was put to sleep, it was so sudden that I had not thought about it and realized that I had forgotten to tell the vet that I wanted his ashes back. The vet knew me, and guessed that it was what I wanted, but in the middle of an emotional chaos, it might be something you will forget to mention.

This is the ultimate gift of love we can give them to end their suffering and keep their dignity, and when it comes out of our love for them, the decision can only be the right one.